The Death of the Author? Nope!
Every writer’s voice is shaped by their unique experiences, and for me, my personal journey is deeply intertwined with the stories I create. My characters—young gay male protagonists navigating mental health, identity, and relationships—are reflections of the emotional truths I’ve encountered in my own life. Writing isn’t just an art form for me; it’s a way to make sense of the world and connect with others who might feel unseen. Here’s how my journey informs the characters and narratives in my fiction.
Drawing from Real-Life Emotions
Writing has been my lifeline since my teenage years. Struggling with mental health and grappling with my sexuality, I often felt overwhelmed by loneliness and self-rejection. I poured those emotions into my characters, letting them express what I couldn’t articulate at the time. Looking back, I see a recurring theme: my characters endure emotional breakdowns but ultimately find solace in connection. This was my subconscious longing for emotional support and belonging, now realised in hindsight. Seeing my inner world reflected on paper gives me a sense of meaningfulness. Additionally, I tend(ed) to place a lot of emphasis on being with someone romantically, and this inevitably seeped into my stories. For example:
- Duncan (How to Understand Him) wrestles with internalised homophobia, echoing my own battles with self-acceptance. Therapy showed me I was still struggling with my sexuality and also with my perception of gender. The latter especially I never thought I’d have an issue with, but now I understand I used to reject my femininity.
- Matthieu (What to Live Life Like) struggles with overwhelm and is often unable to regulate himself.
- Seb (What to Live Life Like) fixates on existential questions and death, a preoccupation I carried through my teens, even planning my own eulogies. Reading Yalom’s Staring at the Sun eventually helped me find peace with these thoughts.
By channelling my past struggles into my characters, I hope to create narratives that feel authentic and relatable.
Therapy as a Narrative Influence
At 23, I moved to the UK and started therapy—a decision that transformed my life. Therapy taught me to embrace vulnerability and unpack the layers of my identity. This experience influences my storytelling in several ways:
- Themes of Healing and Growth: My characters often embark on journeys of self-discovery and emotional resilience.
- Psychological Depth: Therapy gave me a vocabulary to explore trauma, coping mechanisms, and recovery, allowing me to write with nuance and sensitivity.
- Balanced Representation: Therapeutic insight into myself also helped me write about mental health in a measured way—without shaming or sensationalising it.
My dual identity as a writer and a counsellor enables me to explore the human psyche with compassion and depth.
Representation and Queer Joy
Growing up, I rarely saw stories about LGBTQ+ characters that resonated with me. The ones I did find were often tragic or incomplete. I first came across homosexuality in Carry Slee’s book Paniek (which is Dutch for ‘panic’), where the protagonist finds out his best friend is gay. Once I realised I was gay myself, I came cross international soap operas that featured gay couples. I was obsessed with Luke and Noah from As The World Turns, who were the first American gay male supercouple (according to Wikipedia). Then I found Fer and David from Física o Química, and after that Roman and Deniz from Alles Was Zählt. But, as soap operas, the stories were naturally very dramatic. Luke and Noah sort of get back together before the end of the series but are in a LDR; Fer dies at the end (yes, what the fuck indeed—I was devastated); and Roman dies too, after which Deniz suddenly turns straight again (or at least is never mentioned to be bisexual). Don’t get me wrong, I’m not shitting over these shows in any way. They have to be viewed in their contextual time period and back then just having these gay couples openly on screen was groundbreaking. This was obviously still in the era of the ‘Bury Your Gays’ trope. But writing gives me the opportunity to create the representation I craved as a teen. My characters celebrate:
- Queer Visibility: By placing gay male protagonists at the centre of my stories, I aim to normalise LGBTQ+ narratives.
- Emotional Complexity: My characters experience both the struggles and joys of queer identity, offering a balanced and affirming portrayal.
Through characters like Aron—who defies stereotypes with his vibrant authenticity—I hope to inspire readers to embrace their own uniqueness.
Writing as Self-Reflection
They say every writer leaves pieces of themselves in their characters, and I’m no exception. Writing often feels like an act of self-discovery; in hindsight, I recognise the themes in my stories as reflections of what I was processing at the time. It’s like having those “Aha…!” moments in therapy, when I gain a little more self-awareness. So writing allows me to:
- Process My Own Growth: Exploring themes like mental health and relationships mirrors my personal journey of healing and understanding.
- Empathise With Different Perspectives: By creating characters who act in morally ambiguous ways, I challenge myself to understand their motivations and decisions. Humans will always judge one another based on their behaviour and/or appearance, but if we get to know their histories, we can often understand and empathise with why they act in certain ways.
This self-reflection doesn’t just inform my stories; it also deepens my connection to my readers.
Inspiring Empathy and Connection
At its core, my goal as a writer is to foster empathy. By sharing pieces of my journey through my characters, I hope to:
- Validate Readers’ Experiences: Help readers feel seen and understood, offering them insight into navigating their own challenges. When someone reaches out to say my story resonated with them, it’s the most rewarding gift.
- Encourage Open Conversations: Tackling topics like mental health, identity, and abuse sparks dialogue that can lead to greater understanding and support. For example, while Tristan’s behaviour in How to Understand Him is never acceptable, I hope readers can see he’s suffering too, and reflect on how cycles of harm persist.
Finally…
My personal journey shapes every aspect of my writing, from the themes I explore to the characters I create. By infusing my stories with authenticity and emotional depth, I hope to connect with readers on a meaningful level. Writing has been my way of healing, growing, and understanding myself—and through my characters, I hope to offer the same to others.
What aspects of your life influence your creative work? Share your thoughts in the comments below!